Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
