Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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