yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
