I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
only you would photoshop your dick
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize