i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
