she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
