Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Text me some of your sweat
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
