After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
