I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
