I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
