Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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