Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
