420 ftw
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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