you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
