She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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