Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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