when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
