Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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