He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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