New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
