apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
