Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize