i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
