please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
