I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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