Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
