my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
