D3 body, D1 cock
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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