Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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