Farmville is her only friend.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
