whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
