the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
