Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize