I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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