My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
