If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
