So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
