I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
