I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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