I just saw a hot homeless man
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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