just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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