I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
