I wannas sexs uuuuu
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
