There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
