What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize