when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
