he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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