just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
