i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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