i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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