I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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