Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
