Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
