All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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