i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
