Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
