Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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