I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
