So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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