According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize