i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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