If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
