Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
