he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
