Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
