somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
