i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
