My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
