I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize