we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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