You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
