Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
