It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
