While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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