Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
