I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
