I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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