We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I love you.
Bad choice
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