In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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