you didnt know i had herpes?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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