it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
