I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
