She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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