well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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