i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
