this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
