I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize