I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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