Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
