We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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