She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
