Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
