My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
